As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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