like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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