did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
