I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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