Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
