She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So many bounce houses so little time
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
