Little spoons don't ask big questions
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
