Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
