My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
