My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
