I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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