My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
