is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
