Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
