Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
