I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
