Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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