everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
