17 year olds will be the death of me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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