I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
