I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
