yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
