I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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