when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
