you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
