I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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