The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
