I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
