Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We left an ass print on the piano.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
