Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
