I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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