Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
