when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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