I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
