i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
