hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
