Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
