Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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