Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
