Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
