I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
