If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
