Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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