There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
