Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
