i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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