Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
