The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
