I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
