i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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