Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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