Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
