question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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