So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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