It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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