so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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