Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
